How Affairs Happen and How to Recover

Dr Tartt Delivers Webinar On Why Affairs Happen & How To Recover
“Couples who go to counseling after an affair are often able to get to the root cause and create solutions to avoid them from happening ever again.”

 

 

Greetings! I just conducted an awesome webinar on How to Avoid & Recover From Affairs. It is my prayer that this information empowers couples to avoid affairs and/or recover successfully. As you know, it is my intention to empower couples with whatever information is needed to strengthen their relationship.

Watch the video of this outstanding webinar below.

Here is a link to the webinar – https://reltntdrtartt.wordpress.com/?p=19&preview=true. Please feel free to pass this link along to a friend or family member in need!

If you are looking for a speaker for your next event, please contact my office.

I love to empower people to improve relationships, parenting and re-invent themselves. Visit my website http://www.drtartt.com for more information and book me today!

“I love to influence love so invite me to speak anywhere in the world”

BOOK DR. TARTT TO SPEAK AT YOUR NEXT EVENT!

Contact me at 404-377-4757 or email me at drtartt@drtartt.com.

 

 

Why Affairs Happen & How To Recover Webinar With Dr. Tartt from Dr. Alduan Tartt on Vimeo.

 

 

How To Check A Man

Dr. Alduan Tartt, Ph.D. - Psychologist, Relationship Expert, Speaker, and Life Coach

Dr. Alduan Tartt, Ph.D. – Psychologist, Relationship Expert, Speaker, and Life Coach

I was at dinner the other day and overheard a conversation with a group of girlfriends who were “consulting” about how to handle their man. The quietest one was very distraught and was lamenting about her man working all the time and how she felt that he cared more about his job than his family. She then went on to brag to her friends about how they had just decorated the living room with new faux paint and how she was hoping that they could vacation in St. Lucia this summer. One of her girlfriends, who was single, I know because she never talked her man the entire dinner, told her some of the worse advice I’ve ever heard in my life.

“Girl, you need to check him and let him know who is number one. See if you don’t check that man he’ll get out of control…you need to nip that in the bud.”  I’m sorry but due to my own past issues and sincere love and respect for supporting relationships you know your boy HAD to say something. I rose up from the adjoining booth and introduced myself (yeah, I’m bold like that). I apologized for overhearing their conversation and asked if I could briefly give some much better advice…coming from a man’s perspective.  They were a little taken aback but they could see the sincerity and pain in my face so they acquiesced.

I hope what I told them over wine and dessert was useful and they went home and immediately put it to use. I can tell you if they did, they were thanking me shortly thereafter.

I told them that men don’t like being “checked”. You check your child and even they don’t like it. You converse and discuss your desires, feelings, and inner most needs with your man. You listen when he speaks and desire his influence on your feelings. If you listen first and have the right attitude, he’ll reciprocate tenfold. So I told her, “When your man comes home, ask him about his day, cook a scrumptious meal, pray with him, and remind him how much you admire his work ethic and will to be a provider. Then, sit on his lap, kiss him, and tell him that you miss him when he works too much and you want to discuss what changes need to made…in lifestyle, work schedule, etc., in order to spend more time together. If he’s resistant, kiss him longer, stronger, and with every ounce of feeling that you have. Physically convey how much you miss him and repeat your needs.

Ladies, if you do that he’ll be home early or maybe even picking you up for lunch and more in no time! Remember with men, you can ALWAYS catch more bees with honey. So, if your relationship needs some adjustments tell your single girlfriends to some much needed male advice and get your honey ready!

About Dr. Alduan Tartt, Ph.D.

Dr. Alduan Tartt has successfully worked with well over five hundred clients in Georgia, California, and Michigan.  He is a graduate of both Morehouse College and the University of Michigan where he was one the youngest African-Americans to receive his Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology.  He is a frequent contributor to EssenceBlack Enterprise, and Upscale Magazines, and has appeared on MTV, TV One, and BET as a relationship expert, psychologist, and celebrity life coach.  He recently worked with popular recording artist Fantasia.  He is also author of The RING FORMULA: How to Marry MR. RIGHT.  Dr. Tartt is a member of our Relationships TNT team,  along with J. Thurman, Dr. Torri Griffin, and matchmaker Paul Carrick Brunson, who all provide our readers with insightful advice and information that helps them understand how to build a strong foundation for lasting relationships, and how to heal from the pain of unpleasant relationships.

Visit www.drtartt.com or www.ringformula.com for more information and relationship tips.

 

© Copyright Donell Edwards Media, 2008 -2013. All rights reserved.

Why Settle For Being Wife-y, When You Can Be A Real Wife?

Dr. Alduan Tartt, Ph.D. - Psychologist, Relationship Expert, Speaker, and Life Coach

I was first introduced to the term “Wifey” by the R & B group NEXT in 2000. They had a song entitled, Wifey, that flew up the charts because it was catchy and talked about love and marriage. However, that was the problem. All it did was talk about marriage. In the video, each one of the male singers had a female love interest but not one of them had an engagement ring. I was confused. How can you propose to someone without a ring? Oh, now I get it, will you be my wife-y.

          I know you may be thinking, “Well, what’s wrong with that?” Well, nothing, unless you ignore the y! By definition, a wife-y is someone who is wife-like but not an actual wife. She provides the man with all the benefits of being married- sex, loyalty, home-cooked meals, raising his kids- but without the actual title and ring afforded to a real wife. That song is a decade old now but it captured the current and growing phenomenon of women settling for being just wifeys. As a man, I couldn’t understand why a woman would settle for being an Almost-Wife versus a real one and then I met Renee.

          Renee sought relationship advice about her long-term boyfriend, Anthony, whom despite multiple affairs, she had remained faithful to for years. She was growing frustrated with him talking about marriage without actually proposing. He used all the typical tricks. He took her to meet his parents, window shopped for rings and even gave her a key to his apartment with an open door policy which, ironically, is how she caught him cheating each time. Renee was slowly beginning to realize that she would never be a wife, at least not Anthony’s, and wanted a professional male’s perspective on what she should do.

          Renee was beautiful! She had beautiful teeth, full lips, was well cropped and never missed an opportunity to showcase a mean shoe game with matching designer bag, of course. Despite possessing all the fashion sense of a Paris runway model, Renee didn’t even possess a Wal-Mart education when it came to understanding men.

          My advice to her was simple and direct. I advised her to leave Anthony. By her response, you would have thought I accused her of shopping at PayLess. “I know you are not suggesting that I give up everything that I have worked for and endured- all the affairs, the lies, the broken promises- and leave with nothing to show for it, do you?” I calmly asked her, “Renee, what do you really have?” Before she could retort, the weight of the question overwhelmed her and she began to cry. I empathized with her and advised her on regaining the power in her relationship. The advice worked too because within four months, Renee had a ring on her finger. I bet you want to know what I told her, huh?

          First, she had to stop allowing fear to drive her relationship. Her fear of losing Anthony, being alone and starting over again was preventing her from gaining what she desired most: A husband. You are what you think about; and if all you think about is not losing then it’s psychologically impossible to ever win.

          Second, she needed to stop taking Anthony’s infidelity issues personally. Anthony’s own fears led him to sabotage the relationship every time he felt pressured to marry her. Like most men, Anthony feared being inadequate as a husband. How could he profess to love and cherish Renee for the rest of his life with no track record of being successful in the past? So, he purposely fouled up but not enough to permanently lose Renee, his “wifey”. 

          Third, I empowered her by showing her how to use Anthony’s greatest fear against him: the fear of losing her. Men are naturally possessive and their egos cannot handle the idea of losing the woman of their dreams and being forced to helplessly watch from the sideline as she gives his love to another man, until death due them part. Men dislike feeling ashamed. Thus, avoiding it is a motivator. How could Anthony live with himself knowing that he lost his future wife all because he was scared?

          Now, there was only one thing left to do. Renee needed to conquer her own insecurities so she could feel confident about leaving. She worked through childhood feelings of paternal abandonment, abusive ex-boyfriends and strengthened her relationship with God, the ultimate Father. She began to see what was so obvious to others yet had been blind to herself- the beautiful child of God who was most deserving of unconditional love and committed relationship. So, with God as her guide, she gathered her belongings and left Anthony in search of a real husband. She explained to Anthony that while she loved him deeply, God’s love for her was far greater and that she refused to settle for less than equal value. She kissed him softly and walked like a Proverbs 31 woman to her car and sped away.

          Poor Anthony couldn’t even make it one week before he was harassing her at work, texting her daily and stalking her at church. When he did finally track her down, he came prepared and revealed a sparkling two-carat ring and proposed on the spot. She cried, took the ring with no response and made an impromptu visit to my office the first thing Monday morning. She wanted to say thanks, but then threw a curveball that even an ex-baseball catcher turned psychologist didn’t predict. She returned the ring and informed Anthony that she would entertain future proposals but not until he entered counseling to deal with his infidelity issues. Besides, she had met someone else and wanted to see if this was the man God promised her. As it turns out, he was a male client whose appointment always preceded hers. His reason for seeing me…couldn’t find a wife. Go figure. Isn’t God good!

Visit www.drtartt.com or www.ringformula.com for more information and relationship tips.

 

© Copyright Donell Edwards Media, 2008 -2010. All rights reserved.

Dime Piece vs Ms. Fast Walker: The Power of A Woman

It’s official! I like Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man. I like it so much so that I am making the chapter labeled Sportsfish vs. Keepers required reading for every woman. The chapter illustrates just how important a woman’s mindset, sense of self-worth and knowledge of her inherent power is upon even the first interaction with a man. Let me explain by putting my own twist on it, for entertainment purposes only of course.
 
Now, imagine an attractive gentleman, Malik, who works out at the same gym with two women with exactly the same physical characteristics but very different mindsets. One who read my book, The Ring Formula How to Marry MR. RIGHT and one who didn’t think she needed it.
 
The first, Kim, sees Malik eyeballing her and smiles as he confidently approaches while looking her up and down, complimenting her multiple times on everything from her French-manicured nails to her cute little dimples. "Superstar, you are an absolute dime piece!" She enjoys the attention and thanks Malik for recognizing a "real woman" and uses those manicured hands and model-like posture to further accent and illustrate the curves Malik apparently enjoys so much. She flirts back with rather overt body language; roaming eye here, biting of lip there. Malik boldly tells her that he’s going to call her later that evening and she inputs her number into his phone without hesitation. She smiles, hands the phone back. "It’s under Kim the Dime Piece", she replies. He laughs, puts the phone in his pocket and silently labels her a Sportfish. As he walks back to the weight bench he’s already thinking about how he can bed Kim and change his workout schedule so he has to never see her again.
 
The second, Kimberly, sees Malik staring at her but pretends not to notice. Malik attempts to get her attention via eye contact but she only responds by changing machines and increasing the variety and intensity of her workout. Malik is now consumed by the chase and adjusts his workout routine to end exactly when Kimberly’s does. He looks her up and down as he opens the exit door for her, but quickly adjusts his eyes after she responds with a piercing glance of disapproval. He routinely compliments her. "Wow, you are an absolute dime piece that moves at the speed of light…a woman on the move I see." She nods accordingly, maintaining only minimal eye contact, and thanks him while exiting quickly, heading directly for her car. Malik walks faster to catch up and then eases up and yells, "Hey, Ms. Fast Walker, what’s your name?" She smiles as she prepares to shift gear into drive, rolls down the window, puts on her shades and coyly replies, "Well, it certainly isn’t Ms. Fast Walker…and I’m worth a whole lot more than a dime". She smiles and drives off quickly. Malik laughs and immediately labels her a Keeper and begins to change his workout schedule to align with hers.

Moral to the story- Men behave the way women allow them. Be a lady and make men pursue by being on the move, slightly diva-like, not easily unimpressed while managing to be soft and nice and the men will put forth million-dollar effort. Be desperate for attention, rely on just sex appeal, question your worth and/or view men as the prize and get played faster than you can spend a dime! Use your power Ladies.