Dr. Alduan Tartt, Ph.D. – Psychologist, Relationship Expert, Speaker, and Life Coach
I was at dinner the other day and overheard a conversation with a group of girlfriends who were “consulting” about how to handle their man. The quietest one was very distraught and was lamenting about her man working all the time and how she felt that he cared more about his job than his family. She then went on to brag to her friends about how they had just decorated the living room with new faux paint and how she was hoping that they could vacation in St. Lucia this summer. One of her girlfriends, who was single, I know because she never talked her man the entire dinner, told her some of the worse advice I’ve ever heard in my life.
“Girl, you need to check him and let him know who is number one. See if you don’t check that man he’ll get out of control…you need to nip that in the bud.” I’m sorry but due to my own past issues and sincere love and respect for supporting relationships you know your boy HAD to say something. I rose up from the adjoining booth and introduced myself (yeah, I’m bold like that). I apologized for overhearing their conversation and asked if I could briefly give some much better advice…coming from a man’s perspective. They were a little taken aback but they could see the sincerity and pain in my face so they acquiesced.
I hope what I told them over wine and dessert was useful and they went home and immediately put it to use. I can tell you if they did, they were thanking me shortly thereafter.
I told them that men don’t like being “checked”. You check your child and even they don’t like it. You converse and discuss your desires, feelings, and inner most needs with your man. You listen when he speaks and desire his influence on your feelings. If you listen first and have the right attitude, he’ll reciprocate tenfold. So I told her, “When your man comes home, ask him about his day, cook a scrumptious meal, pray with him, and remind him how much you admire his work ethic and will to be a provider. Then, sit on his lap, kiss him, and tell him that you miss him when he works too much and you want to discuss what changes need to made…in lifestyle, work schedule, etc., in order to spend more time together. If he’s resistant, kiss him longer, stronger, and with every ounce of feeling that you have. Physically convey how much you miss him and repeat your needs.
Ladies, if you do that he’ll be home early or maybe even picking you up for lunch and more in no time! Remember with men, you can ALWAYS catch more bees with honey. So, if your relationship needs some adjustments tell your single girlfriends to some much needed male advice and get your honey ready!
About Dr. Alduan Tartt, Ph.D.
Dr. Alduan Tartt has successfully worked with well over five hundred clients in Georgia, California, and Michigan. He is a graduate of both Morehouse College and the University of Michigan where he was one the youngest African-Americans to receive his Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology. He is a frequent contributor to Essence, Black Enterprise, and Upscale Magazines, and has appeared on MTV, TV One, and BET as a relationship expert, psychologist, and celebrity life coach. He recently worked with popular recording artist Fantasia. He is also author of The RING FORMULA: How to Marry MR. RIGHT. Dr. Tartt is a member of our Relationships TNT team, along with J. Thurman, Dr. Torri Griffin, and matchmaker Paul Carrick Brunson, who all provide our readers with insightful advice and information that helps them understand how to build a strong foundation for lasting relationships, and how to heal from the pain of unpleasant relationships.
Visit www.drtartt.com or www.ringformula.com for more information and relationship tips.
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